The art of negotiating a relationship is no small feat. The line between friend and foe is delicate. It takes years to sometimes nourish a healthy relationship and only moments to completely destroy it. From one thing leading to another, an empty nothing becoming something and cunning moves pushing a selfish agenda; coping is in itself an enormous challenge.
With so many different variables it’s a marvel we humans get along at all. I’ve always wondered why that is; shouldn’t it be simple and straight forward? What makes some relationships effortless and some others gravely stressful?
Unfortunately the lines are blurred. Issues are never black and white and the road to hell is sometimes paved with good intentions. Sounds a little dark... so where lies the light in that dark, dark tunnel?
Feelings... those pesky things, they get in the way of everything, don’t they? The wondrous world that is Star Trek and in particular the beloved character of Mr. Spock. Spock offers the captain and crew of the Enterprise an emotionally detached, logical perspective. Essentially his feelings do not cloud his judgement on making decisions. It would be deemed illogical and mal practice to rule based on ones emotions alone. In the world of television and fictional characters anything is possible. But how farfetched is this idea in reality? Can we detach ourselves from our feelings?
We are emotional beings and indubitably human. Emotions are at the heart of everything we do, so what’s so wrong with having feelings? The answer is simple; nothing. The problem lies in how we choose to govern them.
In times of conflict and disagreements we tend to go on the defensive. Sometimes even passive aggressive. We bring out the big guns and lawyer up our feelings. We do this extremely well. So well in fact we’re convinced that our feelings somehow count more. It always seems to be the other persons fault for making us feel the way we do. We are never held accountable and it’s up to the other person to fix it. Now that’s not always the case but think of the opposition, I’d imagine they would feel the same way and react with similar conviction. What then? Are relationships about fighting to see who gets the upper hand and who’s right and wrong? Are we here to punish each other? Is it always more about questioning than answering? I’m not saying a heated argument is never justified, but maybe we should make better choices on what exactly is worth fighting for.
Sometimes we can say hurtful things based on how we feel. Feelings are not necessarily right or wrong but maybe some of the decisions we make based on them can have some dire consequences. Ultimately we regret the things we say and in the fallout sometimes turning back becomes too late.
A relationship often over looked is the one we have with ourselves. It is the catalyst of every relationship we will make. If we take the time to reflect inwards into our own feelings, maybe we can begin to understand why we feel the way we do; and in turn make logical unbiased arguments, in the hope of communicating our true self. Self awareness is the truth that sets us all free. Knowing ourselves is the first step of crossing the threshold of exploring and experiencing a relationship with someone else.
Life is complicated and full of distractions; it’s never easy to be alone with that inner voice, but be tenacious and search out the answers you so heartedly seek. Be the brightest light in the darkest tunnel of your soul.
Define your relationships on your merits; ask what you want of them and then surrender, because selfishness plays no part. Delegate and compartmentalize your expectations or have none at all. Be the love you want to have and kill everyone with kindness and compassion. Accept and embrace differences; face it no one’s perfect, not even you. Let’s curb our enthusiasm on self driven feelings; it can only really take us so far.